Solitude

Alone, misunderstood and miserable, battling myself from within the dark recesses of my own cerebral cortex. I look at the world through empty glass eyes. Watching, hearing, knowing others as they interact amongst each other, paralyzed, I hide within the deep dark shallow shadows of my own self created incarceration. The anxiety, like boots of concrete, pulls me under as I drowned in my own self pity, denying myself any true joyful interaction. Black cold numbing emptiness hindering any contact with humanity. Oh how I yearn to feel and freely express unconditional love toward another human being. Bound behind a solid grey stone wall memories of loss, abandonment and ridicule suppress any hope of escape or recovery from this bleak prison. A slave to the vampires of my history whom bled me dry of confidence and self worth, ever haunting. How will I survive under this on sloth of misery and pity, is there salvation for the likes of me? I want to cry but a life time of conditioning has disabled this meaningful emotional reflex of relief. Creeping death my only confidant in these, the dark days.