Solitude

Alone, misunderstood and miserable, battling myself from within the dark recesses of my own cerebral cortex. I look at the world through empty glass eyes. Watching, hearing, knowing others as they interact amongst each other, paralyzed, I hide within the deep dark shallow shadows of my own self created incarceration. The anxiety, like boots of concrete, pulls me under as I drowned in my own self pity, denying myself any true joyful interaction. Black cold numbing emptiness hindering any contact with humanity. Oh how I yearn to feel and freely express unconditional love toward another human being. Bound behind a solid grey stone wall memories of loss, abandonment and ridicule suppress any hope of escape or recovery from this bleak prison. A slave to the vampires of my history whom bled me dry of confidence and self worth, ever haunting. How will I survive under this on sloth of misery and pity, is there salvation for the likes of me? I want to cry but a life time of conditioning has disabled this meaningful emotional reflex of relief. Creeping death my only confidant in these, the dark days.

Rebirth

Alone I stand atop a green grassy hill side, fresh air untainted dancing and playing among trees exposing the barren auburn full moon, encircled by a pure white blazingly bright halo around its entirety. I inhale deeply its true love given freely, unconditionally, without hesitation it fills my lungs spreading and seething like blood in water threw my ethereal body of living energy, blood, soft and hard tissue. Oh how I loath and love the sight my betrothed mistress mother in her pure prime. The beast awakens with a sigh and stir deep within my belly. Not even the heart or soul of a diligent warrior can encumber this beasts inferno of passion, blood and rage. I attempt to subdue the rebirth of this monstrosity in vein, it will not be denied its mother mistress’s call to arms. First my torso, contorting my innards in agony then snapping and stretching my ribs, limbs and cartilage in a performance of pain and pleasure. Trans loosened skin tearing, searing and stretching from my once feeble bones, sloathed away in a shower of screams tears and blood, I rip away what remains of my humanity exposing raw hairy hid till nothing of true old human self remains other then a steaming pile of nutrients, plasma and frailty. Reborn, the monkey is replaced by a pure creature of prey, passion and mindless mayhem. I see now through feral eyes as though I had never seen before, such clarity only an angel of god could possibly see the world in such transparently bold colors. I look to the sky hearing the birds of prey squawk and caw celebrating the return of my true form. Inhaling once again I smell the planet and its inhabitants with such an intense pungency I begin to salivate ……… Flesh

Invoked By A Godform

Topless towering columns spawning as far into the night as the naked eye can perceive. Above black voided space speckled with planets, rocks, gases and god forms, whom hold the secrets of Time. Below scattered rotting gutless exposed feminine cadavers bearing horrified expressions of contorting terror witnessed in the final moments of existence. I look unto myself that is not myself but another self a transparent self of non-corporeal material, bio-energy, intention, vibrational impulses temporarily absorbing thousands of dreaming souls aimlessly wandering the ethereal dreamscape in a single moment. In the instant of invocation I feel and know this immensely powerful beings deepest desires, intentions and animalistic unquenchable urges as it performs the godly actions of millennia’s come and gone. Wearing a harder then leather skin vest the being reaches for its unprecedentedly massive manhood with one hand and a disgusting female carcass with the other. Violently raping, penetratingly violating the tight lifeless female cadaver’s pelvic area until it is torn in half spraying soft tissue everywhere. Its manhood growing ever larger never to ejaculate, continuing till the end of time.

This was a dream I experienced a year and a half ago. It was so vivid I will never forget it.

Remember, remember the sight we saw, my soul, that beautiful, soft summer morning round a turning in the path. A disgusting carcass on a bed scattered with stones, it snakes in the air like a women in need. Burning and sweating poisons like a fountain with its rhythmical sobs, I can hear it clearly flowing with a long, murmuring sound. But I touch my body in vain, to the wound I am a vampire of my own heart. One of the great outcasts condemned to eternal laughter who could no longer smile …… am I dead?